E201:Allie

Jill: [00:00:00] Hello fellow POTS patients and beautiful people who care about POTS patients. I'm Jill Brook, your horizontal host, and today we have an episode of the POTS Diaries with Allie. Allie, thank you so much for joining us today. Allie: Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here. Jill: I'm so sorry everybody can't see your smile. You just have the most shining smile. So what else should we know about you? Where are you? How old are you? What other Allie basics are there? Allie: First off thank you. And yes, definitely. My name is Allie. I'm 19 years old, and I'm originally from a small town called Marysville, Ohio, but I'm currently in West Lafayette, Indiana because I'm a sophomore at Purdue University. Jill: I was about to ask what your town is known for, but it's known for Purdue University. But what about your original hometown? What's that known for? Allie: It's honestly just known for like the complete, complete hometown vibes, like everyone is just so friendly, we have lots of family owned businesses, and just everyone kind of knowing everyone. Jill: Oh, that sounds nice. [00:01:00] Okay, so how would your friends or family describe your personality? Allie: So I actually had a feeling that this question might come up, so I actually asked a lot of my friends, and the things that came up the most were bubbly, energetic, kind, things like that. Jill: Very nice. Okay what are you good at? Allie: Oh geez I would say I'm pretty good at making friends and just getting to know people. I do this fun thing where I say hello to at least one new person every day on campus. And it's actually something I started doing once I got sick. So I kind of just saw it as a way to embrace like every day as it came. And so every single day I go up to a stranger and I introduce myself and ask them like what they're studying and just kind of get to know them a little bit. So that's something that I guess I'm kind of good at. Jill: I love that! So how do people normally respond? Or do you get a huge variety of responses? Allie: Yeah, kind of a big variety. Sometimes people are super excited and just, like, we go into a full length conversation after [00:02:00] that. Sometimes people are kind of caught off guard, which I completely understand. I think I might be, too. And just one distinct conversation that I remember The other person actually told me that they hadn't had anyone say hi to them today and I completely made their day. So, like, it's just moments like that that make me keep wanting to do it and kind of push past the awkward. Because you never know if someone's having a hard day and maybe no one said hi to them yet. Jill: Oh, that is so cool. I love that. Do you think that's something that you would continue doing once you're no longer on a college campus? Or is it the kind of thing where you would only do it when you're sort of in this community of people who are kind of like all there for similar reasons? Allie: You know, that's a great question. I haven't really thought about that. I would like to say I would continue on, but I think it depends where I end up after college. So, maybe depending on what my job is and things like that it might depend a little bit. Jill: Yeah, that's so cool. Okay, so what else are you passionate about? Allie: So I've been super passionate about [00:03:00] volunteering and just serving my community ever since I was really little. My parents are absolutely incredible and they instilled that value in me at a super young age. I actually started volunteering with my first organization when I was eight years old, so 11 years ago. So they were a organization that raises awareness and funds for pediatric cancer patients. And so that is kind of where my passion first started was Pediatric Cancer Center. So I went a couple different directions after that from like different organizations, things like that. And now that I have obviously been diagnosed with a sickness of my own, that's kind of where I've turned a little bit of my focus, but I still focus a lot on pediatric cancer and things like that. I do volunteer for our dance marathon, so the Riley Hospital for Children is something I'm super passionate about because that's in Indianapolis. And yeah, just serving others. I love it so much. Jill: Oh, that is so wonderful. Okay, so you're super eloquent, so can I try out a couple new questions on you? Allie: Of course. Of course. Jill: Okay, [00:04:00] so if you can sum it up in one minute or less, what is the most fun thing you've ever done in your life so far? Allie: Oh my gosh. That's a super hard question. I would say one of the most fun things that I've ever done in my life would be probably my first ever fashion show with the organization that I started with when I was eight. So it's called Nelly's Champions for Kids and it's in Columbus, Ohio. And I actually went to a fashion show the year before because I have a childhood friend who actually has cancer. She's in remission now, so she's doing really well. But at the time she had cancer. And so, my mom and I went to support her in it, and then after that, I told my mom, I was like, I want to do this, I want to be on that stage next year. And so I did, and I did ten fashion shows after that, and honestly, that in itself, every year, just brings me so much joy. It's something that, honestly, it's so hard to describe the emotion that you get when you're there. It's just such an incredible atmosphere and such a great group of people all supporting one cause, which I [00:05:00] think is absolutely incredible. And they do something called the Hero Walk, where current patients as well as cancer survivors all walk, and obviously it is pediatric cancer, so it's a lot of kids, some teenagers, and so it's just a super emotional moment, and there's definitely not a dry eye in the room. So I would say that that is probably one of the the most special things I've ever done. Jill: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I asked. Okay, that is super cool. So, you had mentioned, sort of, a life before you got sick. Can you give us a snapshot of what you were up to, what age you were at, and like, tell us about the last time that you were 100 percent not sick before POTS showed up. Allie: Yeah, definitely. So, I got sick at the very end of my senior year, so I'll give you like a little rundown of what my senior year looked like. So in high school, I was kind of known as the girl who did just about everything. If there was an opportunity, I took advantage of it and I pretty much overloaded myself with it. I was really used to never having a [00:06:00] break, never taking time for myself, just kind of always doing something. I was a two sport varsity athlete and I was taking five AP classes my senior year. So I was definitely super, super busy. But also I was I was pretty much known for just being like a super nice person, I guess. I was just kind of known for doing everything and people just didn't really understand how I did it while still being a nice person to other people and not being super grouchy. And so I was doing all of that. Everything was normal. And I was reaching the point in my year where I could just focus on being a senior. I had finished all the hard course load. I was done with my sports, everything like that. And it was getting to the point of just like being a senior, doing the fun things that seniors get to do. And so on my prom night the whole day was completely normal. The night was completely normal. I had a great night. And then I went to leave and we were leaving the venue and I remember just turning to my friend and saying, I'm going to pass out. And it was just the weirdest feeling just came over me. And I didn't make it [00:07:00] out of the venue. I ended up passing out in the venue. And after that, I never woke up the same. So I ended up being sick for graduation and things like that and I did speak at graduation. So that was a little bit of a challenge, but yeah, it was pretty much just the lifestyle of never having a break and constantly go, go, go, to all of a sudden just passing out and not being able to do that anymore. Jill: So, was your POTS, like, full on, full strength POTS from that moment on? Allie: Yes, it was. I went to the ER that night because I have a history of head trauma because I played volleyball my whole life, so I've had four concussions, which is a lot and so basically, my parents were like, let's just go to the ER, we'll get you checked out, like maybe it's just a, maybe you're dehydrated, maybe you haven't eaten enough, things like that. And so, I went to the ER, and they were like, we have no idea what's wrong with you, and they sent me home, and I was just, I couldn't function. It was completely debilitating and so that's [00:08:00] pretty much how I started out my summer after graduating. Jill: Oh, man. Okay. So what was it like to get diagnosed? Allie: So it was a really long journey for me to get diagnosed. Not super long. I actually am pretty fortunate. It felt really long at the time but it took me about eight months, which I know is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like a really long time. So I pretty much just visited every specialist that you could think of. I ended up seeing eight specialists before my diagnosis. And that whole summer was pretty much just spent in different appointments. I was in and out of the hospital, in and out of the ER getting blood draws every single week. And when I wasn't getting something done medically, I was laying in bed. And I was too sick to really do anything at all. So I just remember laying in my bed with my eyes closed and listening to music because that was really all I could do. And so it was just a really long time of awaiting that diagnosis. And, you know, I don't really [00:09:00] like to give up. I don't really like to give in to things. And I was kind of convinced, you know, like I'm going to get over this, even though it had been months, my whole summer, I was like, you know what? This isn't my new life. Like, this is just something random is going on. Like I'm going to get better. And so I decided it was a great idea to move into college in August. And I learned very quickly that was not a great idea. So I moved in, in the fall of 2022, still undiagnosed. All I knew at the time was that I was iron deficient. So that's just what I assumed was wrong with me. And so I ended up coming home on September 19th of 2022. So I made it about a month and then I still wasn't diagnosed. So I just thought it was the best thing for me to come home, maybe closer to my doctors that I was seeing at the time. And then I ended up getting diagnosed on October 28th of 2022. Jill: So the fact that you remember that date, does that mean that was a big deal that day? Allie: Yes, a very big deal. Definitely relieved. Just kind of having a name to the struggling that I had been experiencing. It just kind of made me [00:10:00] feel validated in a sense, even though I didn't really have a ton of people doubting me other than medical professionals. I did struggle with that a lot. But obviously my family believed me the whole time and things like that, but it just made me feel like, wait, I okay, like I have a name to all of this. I, I just felt a lot of hope in that moment that I could start that road to recovery. And so, yeah, it was a really, kind of a scary moment as well, just because no one wants to be told that they have a chronic illness when they're 18. And no one really wants to, you know, You don't have to think about that. And just the tilt table test itself I had an anxiety attack beforehand, so it was just kind of a mess of a day. But yeah, definitely something to celebrate now because I was very fortunate to have received that diagnosis. Jill: So people, at least I am sitting here thinking, wow, you're so eloquent, you're so confident, but she just mentioned she had an anxiety attack. So you must've had moments that were pretty dang tough. Like now it sounds like you're so [00:11:00] positive and it's all, you've taken it in stride. But were there some tough moments? Like, what did your dark moments look like? Allie: My gosh, so, so many tough moments. I have had to go through so much in order to get to the mindset that I'm at now and the positivity that I'm able to have around my illness. But during that summer, I would say I hit the lowest point I ever have. I was just, you know, falling into kind of a depression I was crying almost every day and I couldn't even tell my parents why. They were like, what's going on? Like, do you want to talk about it? And I was like, I have no idea. Like, I'm just so upset that this is happening to me. And then obviously you go through kind of the mindset of why is this happening to me? It didn't feel fair. It didn't feel like I deserve to be going through it. And I didn't feel that anyone else deserved to be going through it either. I just felt that I personally didn't deserve it either. And also I kind of dealt with the struggle of seeing my friends all move on with their lives, and I kind of felt that I was stuck, because I couldn't go [00:12:00] dorm shopping, because I didn't know if I was moving into the fall. You know, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't do anything fun and that's the summer where you're supposed to, like, make lifelong memories with your friends because you're all going off to different schools and things like that. And so I felt like I was kind of missing out in that aspect. And so that was definitely a challenge. Also I struggled a lot with Impostor Syndrome. So that is something that I think a lot of people don't always give attention to, and I think it's something that's so important to give attention to because personally I've never struggled with it until I got sick, and this was after I received my diagnosis even, like I still struggle with it to this day. And I think it's super important to recognize that Imposter Syndrome is real, and all of the emotions that you're feeling are so real, and they're so valid, and the fact that the emotion is even coming up means that it has a space. And I think that that's something that a lot of people don't always recognize and I think that that's something that you definitely should pay attention to and people should really start like looking at that a little [00:13:00] bit more because I remember getting opportunities and just not being able to feel like I had deserved them because of my sickness or I felt that someone else was a little bit more deserving than I was. Jill: So do you mind talking a little bit more about what is Impostor Syndrome? Allie: Yeah. So for me personally, it was just this feeling of almost that I didn't deserve to be in the position that I was in, so I don't know the definition off the top of my head, and I know it looks different for everyone who experiences it, but for me personally, when I was getting like leadership opportunities, or I was getting accepted into organizations and activities on campus. I just felt that there was someone else who was always more deserving. And so that is what I personally struggled with and so I actually have a little, like, print on my desk that my mom got me that says, you belong here. Because it was almost like this sense of, I didn't belong. And, like, the people around me were so much smarter than me, and being in the Honors College at such a prestigious school [00:14:00] is hard enough in itself. And especially going through it with a chronic illness, I just felt like, I felt that everyone around me was so much smarter and so much more I don't know, just so much more qualified to be in the position that we're all in. Jill: You said that it took a lot of work to get from that tough place to the upbeat, positive state of mind that you have now. What got you there? Was it something that you did consciously and worked on or did it just come with time or do you have any advice for people or how, how did you go from a low point to a higher point? Allie: Yeah, so I think that one thing was really just changing my mindset. And I know that that's so much easier said than done because trust me, I've been there. I've been in that moment and in that anxiety and that sadness. And it was honestly just deciding that, you know, I can either let my chronic illness rule my life, or I can take control of it and do something with it. And I think that I finally saw my [00:15:00] struggle as an opportunity for education and advocacy. And so, I was seeing so many incredible people doing things. Like, I remember I saw a documentary Behind the Visible. And that just made me feel so represented. And so, in that moment, I was like, wait, I want to be that for someone else. Because it is such an isolating condition and such an isolating feeling to have that I just wanted to be that community for someone else. And I have an incredible support system. My family, they are absolutely amazing. My dad retired from his career so that I wouldn't have to be alone in my sickness. My sister came home from her internship in West Virginia. My mom would just watch Dance Moms with me because she knew that that's all I needed and the chaos that my life had become. And my friends would just lay in bed by my side because, again, that's all I needed. And so, having that support system definitely helped with the aspect of changing that mindset. And I have always been a pretty positive person, but when something like this does hit you, it was definitely a challenge to bounce back [00:16:00] from. But early in my sickness, I actually adopted the motto to live my best day. I have it on my laptop case and everything, and it's basically just a promise that I made to myself that regardless of how I feel when I wake up, I'm going to live the day to, like, its full potential. I'm going to do everything I can that day, and maybe that day all I can do is get out of bed and go for a short walk, get some food, and lay back in bed, and that's okay because that's the best I could do that day. Or maybe someday I can go work out a little bit, and go see my friends, and go to class, and take an exam, all this stuff, and that's my best on that day. And it's okay to have that range of what your best looks like. And so I think that mindset has really helped me a lot too, because I've started to appreciate the smaller things in life. Like, just going for a walk, reading a book, drinking my favorite iced marshmallow latte and just kind of looking at every day as a gift. Because you never truly know what's going to happen when you have a sickness and so just knowing that like today was enough was definitely a mindset that I wanted to live out.[00:17:00] Jill: Wow, that's awesome. That's so great. And shout out to your support system, because that sounds amazing to have all those people do that, to just be there for you. And, you know, I think about my darkest days. It was when I felt the most alone. And and so I guess just shout out to those people who, you know, come and lay in bed with you or watch TV with you. That's so fantastic. So, I'm curious to know, how much did you improve physically once you had an answer about what was going on? Allie: So I didn't improve very well right away. It took a lot of physical therapy to get to where I am today. I was using a mobility aid last fall, so about a year ago today, which I used up until, I want to say about the new year, so up about until the end of 2022. And so I wasn't doing amazing, but I went to physical therapy twice a week. I was really committed to that while I [00:18:00] was at home because I knew I wanted to get better. I knew I wanted to get back to the state I was in before I got sick or as close as I could because I just wasn't ready. really content with collapsing sometimes when I got out of bed or just not being able to support myself. That was a really hard mental adjustment, so I knew improving that physical state would also help with my mental health. And so I ended up again being pretty committed to my physical therapy and then I ended up kind of kicking it up a notch and going to the gym every day of this past summer when I came home from the spring semester. So I would do a like POTS specific and Long COVID specific workout with my physical therapist and I actually got back in the water. I've been a competitive swimmer my whole life, so I was able to swim laps, which was really, really great. And so it was kind of a slow progression and a pretty long journey, but it took a lot of hard work to get to where I am now. And I haven't worked out since I've been back at school, but I think walking to classes is a workout of itself, like it is, it is a [00:19:00] lot but yeah, definitely a lot of dedication. Jill: That's fantastic! So do you think this whole process has changed you as a person at all? Allie: Most definitely, yes. I think I have matured a lot through this process I think that I've just, you know, kind of figured out who I am and what I want to do with my life. I actually came to Purdue studying Psychological Sciences because I've always been super passionate about mental health. And I actually moved that to my minor and I'm now majoring in Neurobiology and Physiology. Because I am just in absolute awe of my neurologist. He is the specialist that I see the most. He has been with me every step of the way. I actually saw him before I got sick because of migraines. And so he kind of was with me literally through the whole process. And he is the kind of doctor who I just wish everyone could have a doctor as great as him. He's someone who really listens to understand, not just waiting for his turn to speak. And you really feel valued [00:20:00] when you're in his office. He listens to everything that you're going through, and really just kind of validates those feelings and validates those symptoms, even though he can't fully understand what you're experiencing. And he ordered every test he could think of. He's the one who found my iron deficiency. He ordered my tilt table test. And so he is absolutely incredible. And so I think I kind of found my path that I want to follow in life, just knowing that I want to be more like him. Because if I can be half the doctor he is, then I feel like I'm winning because he is amazing. Jill: That's fantastic! So what are your favorite activities or hobbies these days? I'm guessing you don't do a lot of volleyball now? Allie: No, definitely not. I'm definitely not as physically active, but I've gotten pretty involved on campus, so that consumes a lot of my time. I'm involved in something called the Brain Exercise Initiative, so I get to volunteer at a nursing home every week and work with the residents through academic [00:21:00] packets, which is so, so special. It is the most emotional and rewarding organization in the world. I absolutely love it. I also mentioned earlier that I'm in Purdue Dance Marathon, and we support the Riley Hospital for Children, and so I'm on the Riley Relations Committee, so I kind of bridge the gap between the hospital and our dance marathon here. So I get to work a lot with the Riley kids who are kids who have been treated long term at the Riley Hospital. And so it's super special to get to work with those kids and just kind of be their number one fans. It's a blast for sure. I'm also involved in the Honors College. I'm an Honors Ambassador, so I hold an office hour every week. And I give tours, answer questions, and help out events for prospective students. And I'm also on the Honors Leadership Council where I represent the College of Science. Let me see, I was just recently a team leader for our orientation program, spoiler Gold Rush which was super, super fun. That is the best group of people in the world. And [00:22:00] I'm also in a sorority on campus, so I have a lot going on for sure. But outside of kind of the academic stuff, I like to read, I like to go for walks, my friends and I like to go to coffee shops, get boba, get fro yo, just fun things like that. Jill: Fantastic! Is there anything that you know now about living with POTS that you wish you had known sooner? Allie: Honestly, just to give myself grace. I think that early on in my diagnosis, I was really hard on myself when I would have a bad day. I would kind of just get frustrated and kind of think to myself, you know what, this shouldn't be affecting you so much. Like, get out of bed, get on with your life, get on with your day. And I think that, I kind of wish that I would have given myself a little more grace. And I also wish that I would have known how much it truly does affect your life. Because obviously, I didn't know what POTS was before I was diagnosed, because it is common, but obviously it's not talked about enough. And so, I didn't really realize that it would affect pretty much every aspect of my body whether [00:23:00] that's migraines, or whether that's blood pooling in my feet. It really is a head to toe condition, and I wish I would have known that early on, because I thought I was just having some weird symptoms that weren't related to POTS, and I think that it would have just kind of made everything a little more clear if I knew that. Jill: Yeah, for sure. Are you up for doing a speed round where you just say the first thing that comes to your mind? Allie: Oh, for sure, Jill: Perfect. What's your favorite way to get salt? Allie: Element Raspberry Salt Packets. Jill: What is the drink you find the most hydrating? Allie: Oh gosh, honestly, water. Jill: What is your favorite time of the day and why? Allie: I am such a morning person. I love the morning, and that's typically when I feel the best. Jill: Where is your favorite place to spend time? Allie: Oh gosh, outside. Just outside in general. Jill: How many doctors have you ever seen for POTS or trying to get a POTS [00:24:00] diagnosis? Allie: 10. Jill: How many other POTS patients have you ever met face to face? Allie: So I have one really good friend with POTS, and then I actually went to a conference this summer. So I don't know if that counts, because there are a lot of POTS patients there, but one of my good friends has POTS. Jill: Nice. What is one word that describes what it's like living with a chronic illness? Allie: Unpredictable. Jill: What is your greatest achievement of all time that comes to mind quickly? Allie: Oh my gosh, I don't know. Honestly, just living with a chronic illness. Jill: What's some good advice you try to live by? Allie: To live my best day. Jill: What's something small that brings you comfort or joy? Allie: Handwritten cards. That is my absolute favorite thing in the whole world. Jill: Who is someone you admire? Allie: My parents. Jill: Do you want to say why? Allie: Definitely, yes. So, [00:25:00] obviously, like I mentioned earlier, they've just instilled so many incredible values in me. And they truly are the most selfless people I've ever met. They just teach me every day to love unconditionally and to just treat everyone around me with nothing but kindness. And they are just amazing. I could go on and on about them, but they're truly my biggest role models. Jill: How nice! What's your favorite food? Allie: Dinosaur chicken nuggets. Jill: What is your pet peeve? Allie: Oh my gosh people who chew loud. Jill: What is something you're proud of? Allie: I'm proud of all my friends. That's something I'm proud of. Jill: Do you want to say why? Allie: You know, I just really see that everyone is battling something, whether or not they openly talk about it. You know, everyone's going through something, possibly in silence. And I just think that the fact that all my friends are still able to get up every day, smile, and just treat everyone with so much kindness while still supporting me through my sickness is just [00:26:00] so admirable. So definitely I just adore them all. Jill: What is the toughest thing about POTS? Allie: Honestly, just still learning about it. I've been sick for about a year and a half and I feel like every day I learn something new. So I'd say that's definitely something that's cool, but also something that's definitely challenging. Jill: Do you have any tricks to help you fall asleep? Allie: Okay, this is gonna sound really silly, but I do have a playlist, and it's called Bedtime Beats, and it's literally just like, I don't even know, it's like piano music, or like, just the most calming music, and it helps me fall asleep, so. Jill: Nice! Do you have any tricks to give you energy? Allie: I'm gonna be honest, I'm a really energetic person, but I drink coffee, which I know I probably shouldn't do, but I do drink coffee. Jill: What is a gift that you would give to every POTS patient on the whole planet if you had infinite funds? Allie: The biggest hug in the whole world, because I know how hard it is to go through what [00:27:00] they're going through. And some people have it even harder than I do. And so if I could just give everyone the biggest hug in the whole world, that's what I would do. Jill: What is something you are grateful for? Allie: Honestly, I'm just grateful for everything. I feel like, honestly, I still have an incredible life, even with this chronic illness. And so, I'm just grateful for the fact that I am able to still live a somewhat normal life and to live the life that I somewhat envisioned for myself. So, just life in general. Jill: Awesome! Have you ever had to sit down or lie down in a weird place because of POTS? And if so, where was the weirdest? Allie: Okay, I actually passed out in a leadership center on campus so I would say that was the weirdest, just because my friend found me and thought that I was sleeping, so she texted me, because my Apple Watch vibrated when she texted me, and when I didn't move, she was like, oh crap, something's actually wrong, and so I would say that's probably [00:28:00] the weirdest. Jill: And please finish this sentence, people might suspect I'm a POTSie when ... . Allie: They see my medical ID. Jill: Okay, I just have a couple more questions. What do you wish more people knew about POTS? Allie: Honestly, like I kind of mentioned earlier, just that it truly is a head to toe condition. It really affects our brains with our mental health and migraines and things like that. And I know I personally am in pretty much constant pain and that's just something I've kind of learned to adjust to. And just like blood pooling in my feet, sometimes my legs look a little speckly because the blood is all there. And so just that it is something that really affects every aspect of my life and everyone else's life. And also just this spoon theory. I think that that's something that a lot of people would benefit from learning about. Because I, again, didn't know what it was before I got sick. And so I think that it's something that's super beneficial for even a [00:29:00] healthy individual to learn about. Jill: And my last question is, is there anything you would like to say to your fellow POTS patients out there, especially any who are like, in the, deepest trough of their POTS journey right now. Allie: Definitely. So, one of the biggest things that I would say is to just keep showing up. I know that personally, I have just wanted to give up so many times, whether that's giving up on school, giving up on a future career, giving just into my chronic illnesses and just laying in bed. But something that I've found is that just continuing to show up is so essential. You never know how it's going to work out. It could be so, so incredibly beautiful. And it's just so comforting to know that something new will ensue if you just keep showing up. And so, I think it's really important to just recognize the fact that we are the catalyst in our own lives. And so, if you continue to show up something good will come from that. And even if you don't know if it's going to work out just going for it and having that confidence I think is [00:30:00] huge. And also just knowing that there's so much comfort in letting go of something. I think that's something I struggled with when I was at my lowest point, was just kind of grieving the loss of the life that I was living before I got sick. And I think contentment is letting go of what your life was supposed to look like in your eyes and just embracing how truly special it is where you are now and what you're able to give now. So I would definitely say that. Jill: Aw, that's beautiful and very mature and wise and it's been so nice to meet you. Allie, thank you for sharing your story and your insights with us. I know everybody appreciates it so much and they're just wishing you all the best going forward. Allie: Thank you so much. This was so much fun. Jill: Aw, likewise. Okay, listeners, I hope you enjoyed today's conversation. We'll be back again next week, but until then, thank you for listening. Remember you're not alone, and please join us again soon.